Scene 1 - Outside the Palace 

Elesther Doolittle enters from one side of stage, carrying a basket of flowers; stops center.  Vashti rushes in from other side, clearly agitated.  She doesn’t see Elesther and bumps into her. 

Elesther speaks in a thick Cockney accent. 

Elesther:   Aaaoowww!   

Vashti:  What’s wrong?  Oh my goodness!  Did I hurt you? 

Elesther:  Naoww… I ain’t ‘urt.  It’s just the whay I talk. 

Vashti:  But you said “owwww.”   

Elesther:  ‘Course I said “Aaoowww!”  You pract’ly run right over me toes like I wasn’t even here!   

Vashti:  You know, I can barely understand a thing you’re saying.   

Elesther:  I dun’t know why, mum.  I’m speakin’ the King’s Persian – just the same as you is.  

Vashti: What? 

Elesther: I’m sayin’ the same words you’re sayin’.  I’m just sayin’ ‘em with a little bit more local color, if ya get my drift.   

Vashti:  What?  Oh good grief.  Forget it.  I’ve got to get out of here.

Elesther:  Why do you hav’ta go?  Is someone out to get ya?

Vashti:  I understood you that time!  Yes… I’m the queen.  Well, actually, I was the queen until a few minutes ago.  But I told the stupid king that I wouldn’t dance for him and all his drunken friends – so he threw me out! 

Elesther:   Aaout?  Out like a light?  Out like a fish outta water?  Or maybe out like a ‘orrible ‘ungry ‘y-ena … with a ‘angnail?

Vashti:  I’m starting to get the hang of this!  Yes, out!  On my tuchas, as the Jews say.  So now I’m off to see the wizard. 

Elesther:  A wizard?  ‘Ere in Persia? 

Vashti:  Oh, sorry… that was last year’s Shpiel.  I mean, I’ve been banished.  But I’ll show him!  Just you wait… 

SONG:  “IT’S TOO LATE, AHASVEROSH” 

It’s Too Late Ahashverosh

To The Tune of, “Just You Wait” 

It’s too late Ahashverosh, it’s too late

I should have known it when we met on our first date.

You were drunk and I was sober,

I’m so glad that this is over

It’s too late Ahashverosh, it’s too late.

etc..... 

As Vashti sings, Haman’s henchmen – Mackerel, Halibut and Herring – wander on stage and listen to her. 

Vashti moves toward exit after song, muttering.  Elesther follows her. 

Elesther:  ‘ey… You want some flaaoowwers?  I got ‘y-acinths…

‘y-drangeas… ‘i-biscus… and Hivey! 

Vashti:  What? 

They exit. 

Mackerel:  Halibut, what was all that caterwauling about? 

Halibut:  That was Vashti – carrying on like she always does.  I’m glad to see her go! 

Herring:  Me too… I’m happy the king threw her out.  She’s been nothing but a prima donna ever since she got here, Mackerel. 

Mackerel:  Except now his majesty is queenless again, Herring.  He’s not going to be happy about that for very long! 

Ahashverosh enters, followed by Haman.  They stop center stage. 

Ahasverosh:  I am NOT happy! 

Herring:  (Aside, to Halibut and Mackerel)  What did I tell you? 

Ahasverosh:  I need a new queen, and I need one now!  It says in the royal handbook that every king has to have a queen.  Rich kings, poor kings, mambo kings… they’re all supposed to be married.  I mean, what’s a king without a queen? 

Haman:  A  lot better off? 

The henchmen snicker. 

Ahasverosh:  No!  Miserable…!  I need a woman who can keep me company on those cold Persian nights… a woman who will laugh at my jokes… and most of all, a woman who will dance when I want her to! 

Haman:  That’s a tall order! 

Ahasverosh:  No, she doesn’t have to be tall.  Not very tall, anyway.  I have simple tastes… for a king!